i just wanna soil my oats bro
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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