I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
