a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Even my vagina gasped.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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