i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
