Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
