I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
