Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
