I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
how does that bad decision feel?
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