The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
