the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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