Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
