apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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