After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
