I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
