things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
