shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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