If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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