We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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