he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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