It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
