As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?