Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...