When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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