I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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