My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
