she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
