If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
