so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
