NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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