im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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