There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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