what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
