OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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