I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
