Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
