I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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