i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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