Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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