who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
