so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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