I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
