Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
