she told me i tasted like america
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
