Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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