I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
