You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
