There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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