: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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