last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
