so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
