if only i could text you this smell
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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