And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
