I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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