I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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