I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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