Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize