I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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