Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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