I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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