In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
