some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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