I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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