She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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