Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
