You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
