Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
