I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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