her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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