is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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