I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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