My first STD was from a foam party
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.