in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in