I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
